In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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