i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Terrible idea I love it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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