i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
