youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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