Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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