I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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