I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
