yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
