i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
vagina is talking i cant
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
