Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
