Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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