I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
