You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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