I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
