So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
