Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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