Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
