capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
