I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
