Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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