Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
