Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
