...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
