I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.