Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
