also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!