hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid