Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
