A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
