I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
