You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I deserve this hangover.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
