Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
