Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
