it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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