He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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