I must be too annoying 4 u.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
