I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
