He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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