i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
