Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
