We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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