the condom got lost in my hair
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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