true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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