Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
