I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
