Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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