my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
