i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
