im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
