it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
