he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
