hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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