you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
