i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
