I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
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Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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