NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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