i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
is it fun? or sober?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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