Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
