I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
