i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
