someone threw a dead crab at me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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