The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
