I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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