; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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