Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize