Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Couch. On fire.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
