I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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