She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
