U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
