you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
