I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
