i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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