I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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