Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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